It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
whose parrot is this?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
