why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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