would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
