Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
