Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize