u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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