She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
