Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
