You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
