Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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