i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize