no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
