I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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