i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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