Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize