If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
