I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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