So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
