last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
FUCK WHALES
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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