the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
