Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
