Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
