My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
