well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
