M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize