Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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