I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
