Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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