At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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