Sry I called you an 8
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
