her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize