i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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