a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
