I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
