Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
