she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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