all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
