What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
