i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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