i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I need moral support for this bender
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize