i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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