Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
