There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
