Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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