oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
