I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
