He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
