Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
