my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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