im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
