I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
