Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
be right there i have to get my cape
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize