Ambien. No doubt about it.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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