Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
