toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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