Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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