Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
