i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
