College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
