Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
