Duck Duck Cougar?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You did what with his pubic hair?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
