you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I look better un-naked...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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