Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
