I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i love accidental penises.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
