Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
