you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
