The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
