Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
