you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
