we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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